Worthy of Healing

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“Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.” Matthew 9:2b

Father, thank you that you forgive our sins.  Thank you that you are not a God who gives retribution for our sins.  Rather you come with mercy, grace and outstretched arms ready and willing to not only forgive, but also heal and set us on the path of an abundant life full of purpose.  Father, I pray for those with abortion wounded hearts to receive your forgiveness, healing, and then they would stand and walk in the fullness of life and purpose in Your Kingdom.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

In Matthew Chapter  9, we find a man who was paralyzed.  When Jesus walked by him, He surprisingly said to the man, “Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.”

Jesus knew the thoughts and desires of this man’s heart.  I have wondered before why Jesus didn’t first heal the man.  He was paralyzed.  Surely the man wanted to walk more than anything.  And I’ve heard sermons in the past that have stated that Jesus forgave the sins of the man to make a point to the Pharisees present.  Our God is a great multitasker, so proving a point to the Pharisees and religious leaders was probably an added benefit no doubt.  However, I believe more than anything, this man wanted to know his sins were forgiven.

Culturally, it was common in the Bible times for people to assume an illness or affliction was a consequence of a sin.  This man possibly had been carrying the burden that he must have sinned in a horrific way to be cursed with this paralyzing disease.  I can visualize this man lying on his bed day after day in agony, crying out, asking for forgiveness, tormented that he must not be worthy of forgiveness, that his sins were too great. 

Then Jesus.

Then Jesus walks by and says the words this man has been waiting perhaps years to hear—You are forgiven.  And then, Jesus said, “Arise, take up your bed, and go to your house.”

It is significant that Jesus first said His sins are forgiven.  It is possible this man needed to know His sins were forgiven in order for Him to receive the healing Jesus wanted to give him.  If Jesus would have just walked by and said, “Arise and walk,” but the man didn’t believe His sins were forgiven, his feelings of unworthiness could have hindered his healing.

We see this paradox play out regularly with those with abortion wounds.  Forgiveness and healing are not the same.  Many times men and women with abortion-wounded hearts will not feel worthy of healing because they do not truly believe they are forgiven.  Negative situations in life or fear of retribution hang overhead like a cloud in a Peanut cartoon.  Or a person with an abortion wound may self-sabotage any blessings due to not truly believing they deserve life more abundantly.

But Jesus walks by and says, “Be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.”  But that’s not all.  Like a trusty infomercial, He says, “Wait, there’s more!”  Not only are your sins forgiven you, but also You can now walk!  He says, “Arise, take up your bed and go.”  

He has a good plan to for you.  He has a purpose for you to pursue. 

“God doesn’t just free you from something, but also to something.” –Karen Ellison

This kind of love is beyond compare and comprehension. His mercy and grace are unmeasurable.  He has a good plan for you.  Receive forgiveness, then arise, stand and walk in the fullness of all God has for you.  

When Jesus Shows Up

“You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast, and take oaths in his name.  He is your praise, and He is your God who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen.” Deuteronomy 10:20-21

Father, again we give You all praise, glory and honor due Your Name! We may never fully understand the vastness of Your holiness, power and authority.  We give you honor and acknowledge that we are just small vessels, and we are humbled that You would give us the opportunity to partner with you in advancing Your Kingdom and setting Your people free.  Your power and might are incomprehensible and we are in awe of Your majesty.  We praise You for all You are and all You do!  We love you!  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Deeper Still Summer Retreat 2017 in Knoxville, Tennessee, will be remembered as one epic retreat.  It was off the charts amazing as the Lord showed up and showed off big time in changing the hearts and lives of those attending.

 

It is difficult to express in words the power and glory of the Lord that was experienced by the team members and the participants who attended that weekend.  One of our team members, Alaina Wingo, wrote of her experience: 

“I never was able to understand what it meant to fear the LORD until one day He gave me an image which helped me understand a bit more. I saw a picture of myself in a small boat in the middle of an ocean. The sea was placid with no land in sight. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a massive whale breached the water with his tail towering next to me. Though his tail alone was so much bigger than the boat, there was no damage to me or the boat.  I was filled with AWE and FEAR. To witness such an amazing sight was humbling and incredible and could have brought me to tears.  A feeling of terror approached me while marveling at the power and size of this great beast.

Our GOD out scales any whale, incomparably so. We cannot comprehend His greatness. My fear of the Lord is out of utter reverence for our POWERFUL GOD.  Just a glimpse and I am in awe. And that is how this retreat felt in some ways. There always seem to be problems before a retreat and often during. However, when Jesus shows up, all confusion falls away and fear dissipates to its appropriate place--.in the Lord alone.

Unprecedented things happened during the retreat. And yet I feel like we haven't seen anything. There's always more. I am truly humbled that God can take a group of imperfect people looking to serve and be healed and do such big things. We built the altar and He lit it on fire."

~Alaina Wingo, Deeper Still Team Member, Knoxville, TN

The Deep Wound of Rape

“He reveals deep and hidden things, he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.”  Dan 2:22

Father, I pray for those coming to the retreat this weekend and next weekend to allow you to reveal the deep and hidden things so that pain can turn into purpose and hurts can be surfaced for healing.  We know it is not your desire for us to remain numb to the pain lying dormant in the depths of our heart.  Bring those things that lie in darkness up to the surface where your light can shine and bring forth life.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

In a car ride three years ago, the Lord began to surface a need for healing that had been buried deep within my heart.  Karen Ellison (founder of Deeper Still), Carla Martin, Kay Smith (team members) and I were traveling to Illinois to serve on the team for the first Deeper Still of Central Illinois retreat.  It was exciting to be on a road trip back to my home state.  The retreat was taking place between where I grew up and where I had gone to college.  It was also only about 30 miles from where my abortion took place.  I was overwhelmed with the Lord’s goodness in allowing me to be a part of this retreat in Illinois.

We also had a plan to stop at the abortion clinic in Champaign, IL where I had the abortion to pray over the land.  It was a good plan, but God had an even better plan.

Part of my story involves a rape on my college campus.  I don’t believe I have ever written about this part of my story, but felt the Lord wanted me to share part of this today.  On the way to help serve at the first retreat in Illinois in 2014, Karen asked me how the Lord had healed me of that rape experience.  I was like a deer in headlights.  I had only recently begun to acknowledge the rape and had never really sought healing for it.  I didn’t know what to say.  Karen suggested we find the fraternity house where it happened and pray there.

While on the college campus, we found fraternity row.  All the houses looked so similar and it had been 21 years since it happened.  Not remembering which house it was, we stopped on a corner with four fraternity houses surrounding us to pray.  I bowed my head but no words would come.  Then from somewhere deep within, sobs surfaced and turned into wails as I stood bent over with violent pain flowing from the depths of my soul.  This pain had been bound up, packed away, not given any air to breathe.  Now, it was opening, this wound covered in scar tissue, never allowed to heal.  It was rising to the surface.  I thought the pain might be too much.  This pain was more than I thought I could bear.  My friends surrounded me praying, like a canopy, protecting me and shielding me as the Healer did His surgery. 

The next few times I shared this part of my story, pain and tears continued to come as the Healer continued to heal this area of my heart.   However, after sharing this part of my story a few times, it became easier and easier.  Now I don’t feel the intense pain I once felt and I’m able to talk about it. 

This is how the Lord heals us.  First He reveals an area of our hearts that needs healing.  Then, he gently removes the scar tissue so the wound is exposed to the air for healing.  He breathes life to the areas once dead and numb.  This may cause temporary pain.  But the pain is only temporary while He does the surgery.  So many people avoid the surgery in fear of the pain being surfaced.  I am thankful I didn’t avoid facing the pain of my past that day in Illinois.  If I would have said, “I don’t need to go there and pray, really, I’m ok”, I would have missed the healing the Lord had for me and that pain would still be lying dormant in my heart festering.  And I surely wouldn’t be writing this today—I would still be paralyzed and numb, unable to share this part of my story. 

Rape is a real hurt.  It is a thief that steals more than can be physically counted.  But the Lord wants to restore what was stolen and mend the areas that are broken.  I no longer consider myself a victim, but rather victorious.  If this is part of your story as well, my heart hurts for you.  I pray that you too will allow the Lord access into those wounded areas so He can do the surgery required for healing.  Reach out to friends you trust who can stand around you during the healing process, praying for you.  If needed, see a counselor.  This is only my story of healing, but the Lord heals different people in different ways. I don’t know the process He will use, but I do know He is the good Healer and the Great Physician and He wants to heal you. 

I Can't Forgive Myself

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”  Romans 8:1-2

Father, we give you thanks that because of the paid blood of Jesus Christ, we can live free.  We thank you that not only do you forgive us of all our sins but that because of Jesus we are not only able to forgive others but also ourselves.  There is no condemnation to those who are in you.  We give you praise and glory in Jesus’ Name.  Amen. 

The other night my ten-year-old daughter and I were having a devotional time as we do before bed each night.  The devotional was on forgiveness.  She said something I didn’t expect her to say.  She confessed that she believes God forgives her of her sin but that sometimes she has a hard time forgiving herself.  She confided that even after asking God to forgive her, she often will beat herself up over and over again after she has made a mistake and sinned.

 

I have to admit, I have been guilty of that as well at times.  However, I do not believe it pleases the Lord in any way when we refuse to forgive ourselves of the sins Jesus suffered and died on the cross to forgive and cleanse.  In fact, it grieves Him. 

Another Deeper Still Team member, Carla Martin, said the Lord revealed to her one day that she was often living like His Word said, “There is now ‘not nearly so much’ condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  However, the Lord pointed out to Carla that is not what He said.  He said there is “no” condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  No.  Not any. None.

The Lord has clearly said that if we do not forgive others, He cannot forgive us. (Matt 6:15, Matt 6:14)  What about ourselves?  Does it apply to us?  

Jesus paid a dear price.  Is it not selfish of us and even prideful to not receive the gift that cost Him His life?  He willingly and lovingly paid it.  It is a gift for us to receive.  This is how I explained this to my daughter. 

 

What if I had a gift I wanted to give her.  This gift had cost me greatly and I had gone to much trouble to get it for her, because I loved her.   I was very excited about her having this gift.  My love for her is the reason I put forth all the effort to purchase this gift for her.   But what if when I went to give it to her, she expressed she didn’t deserve such a gift and refused to take it? Or just took part of it, but not the whole gift.  How would that make me feel?  Would I be happy she didn’t feel she deserved such a gift or sad that my daughter refused to accept the gift I desperately wanted to give her?

I hear often of women who have had abortions and the men who father those children saying that they believe God has forgiven them but they cannot forgive themselves.   These women and men do not feel worthy of forgiveness.  They do not feel they deserve the gift the Lord wants to give them.  I understand.  I use to feel that way and sometimes I know I don’t receive forgiveness as quickly as the Lord would like me to receive it. 

If you are someone who has had an abortion or has trouble forgiving yourself for other sins, this is not to condemn you.  Lord have mercy.  Not in anyway.  That would be the exact opposite of the reason for this post.  What I do hope is that you will give yourself permission to forgive yourself.  And if you are not sure how to do that, to ask the Lord to help you forgive yourself.  He wants you to receive ALL He has for you.  He wants you to receive the full gift He has for you!  He is beyond excited to give it to you!  For those of you who struggle with this, I would love to pray for you personally.  I will post a prayer below but if you leave a comment, I will also pray for you specifically in a reply. 

God loves you so much and it is His desire for all of us to live in the fullness of Him and without any condemnation, completely free of guilt or shame.  You are forgiven.  You are His. 

Father, I pray for those reading today who have had a hard time forgiving themselves.  They believe You have forgiven them, but do not feel that they can forgive themselves.  Father, I pray they would receive the fullness of the gift you have for them today.  Help them live fully free in You.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Protecting Your Healing

 “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Phillipians 1:6

Father God, we praise you for your goodness. Your love that covers us is as no other.  We ask that you would continue the work that you have done in us. Reveal to us things that are hidden in the darkness of our hearts. Massage our hearts and make them tender toward the things that are of you. Ignite a fire in our spirit that will bring forth the passion that you set in us. May you be glorified in all that we do. We again praise you, Jesus. Amen.

Today’s post is written by Tracey Enloe, a Deeper Still Atlanta Team Member.  Deeper Still Atlanta just had their first retreat this month.  We are hearing many praises about all the Lord did there!  Thank you Tracey for sharing with us today.

After leaving a weekend of seeking God and giving Him areas of my heart that were still in darkness, I felt free. The chains, that had bound me over time, fell off. Before coming that weekend I had been intentional in seeking healing in all areas of my life, not just abortion. Over time, the enemy caught a snag in my life and rebound me again. Healing is a journey--one that must be continuously sought by going forward in Christ.

As life goes forward, our enemy will look for areas in our life to re-bind us. It is paramount that we hold the line of healing and not give back ground to the enemy.  The chains may look the same, but not always. He wants to keep us bound, and he doesn't care how as long as we are rendered ineffective.  The Lord has given us all power and authority in the name of Jesus and we are not victims that must just surrender to the lies the enemy plants as he attempts to draw us back into bondage.  It is important that we learn to recognize the signs the enemy is trying to re-bind us and hold the line of freedom.

Negative thoughts; feelings of helplessness, despair, and discouragement; attacks of depression, anxiety or a feeling of heaviness; or insomnia are all symptomatic that the enemy is moving to regain ground in our lives.

When we learn to recognize when the enemy is trying to come in to steal, kill, and destroy the healing God has given to us, are better able to stand guard and resist him.  And when we resist him, he will flee.  The Lord has made provision in His word to protect the healing we have received as we hold onto the promises we have in Jesus.  The Holy Spirit will shed light on the areas of our lives that need attention. Our relationship with the Lord will be our safeguard as we put on the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-13).

We must not hide in the lie that our healing journey is over. For when we have resolved ourselves to that thought, we reject more healing, and more freedom in Christ.

It is in the seeking that we truly finding healing. Do not be discouraged by your struggles; count them as joy. Because God will always show up!_~Tracey Enloe

Rooted in Righeousness

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."  Isaiah 61:3

Father, may all who attend the Deeper Still retreat receive this truth.  May Your healing rain soak into the soil of their hearts and they would hear You call them oaks of righteousness, a glorious display of Your splendor. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. 

Seventeen years ago, toward the beginning of my healing journey, I saw Isaiah 61:3 for the first time.

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."  Isaiah 61:3

My heart sank.  How I longed to be a display of His splendor. I was in a healing Bible study for women who have had an abortion. With my head down and heart hopeful, I shared my desire to be a display of His splendor. 

“Oh, how I want this to be true. I so want to be a display of His splendor.” 

The Bible study leader looked me straight in the eyes and with a voice full of grace and gentleness, declared, “You already are.” 

Even the thought brings tears now.  Is there any goal higher?  Is there any achievement that could out pass this mark?  Yet, it is reached not by striving or climbing or pursuit.  This goal is reached by grace and grace alone.  Our God has declared in His all powerful Word, You already are a display of My splendor.

Righteousness is not something we obtain or earn.  Righteous is something we are by the paid price of the blood of Jesus Christ. 

An oak tree is a strong tree planted and rooted securely in soil.  The oak is a common symbol of strength and endurance. Oaks are not easily blown down.  They stand tall and firm in the ground in which they are planted. 

As oaks of righteousness, we are planted securely in God’s love and the soil of His inheritance.  Our righteous standing is unmovable by the winds of worry or woeful sin.  Our righteousness is rooted firmly in the Lord’s never ending grace.

May all the participants coming to the retreat this coming weekend receive this truth.  May they hear the invitation and calling.  May they know they are called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.   

Hope Resurrects

“Jesus said to her, ‘Did I not say to you that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?’ Then He took away the stone from the place where the dead man was lying.” 

John 11:40-41a

Lord Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for us, and paying the price for all sin and death.  Thank you in this Holy week and in all weeks, we can look and see Your glory in Your resurrection power all around us.  Thank you for bringing what is dead in us to life again.  In Your precious and Holy name we pray, Amen.

Hope is a small word with big worth.

The darkness of this world can almost swallow us up if we allow it. 

Two sisters, friends of Jesus, were in pain a little over two thousand years ago.  They buried their brother.  It not only seemed hopeless, it was naturally hopeless.

 

Until Jesus…

 

“Did I not tell you if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

During worship at church recently, my heart pounded as I thought of the pain three dear friends were enduring…

A marriage broken by an affair.

Another marriage strangled by addiction.

Diagnosis of a chronic illness.

With tears I asked my Lord about all this pain.  In the quietness of my spirit, from deep within, these words muffled the music,

 “Did I not say that if you would believe you would see the glory of God?” 

Lord, what are you saying?  Believe.  Hope. 

Two thousand years ago…

A friend of Jesus laid in a grave while two sisters grieved.

Jesus, the coming Messiah, hung on a cross…crucified.  It seemed hopeless.

 

Things are not always as they seem.

Dare we hope?

 The other day my ten year old daughter scribbled these words on a wipey board in her room,

“Let all fears become hope.”

Hope illuminates the darkness and blazes light to dispel fear.  

Hope brings belief and belief becomes the glory of God.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for. (Hebrews 11:1)

Our Hope and Lord died, was buried and resurrected in glory.  Our Hope is Him.  He resurrects.

Hope resurrects.

Dare to hope today.  Dare to believe.  Dare to give God a chance to show you His glory.

Dare to believe He will resurrect and infuse life into dead places and dissipate the dark.

 

Will you believe the Lord with me when He says, “Did I not say if you believe you will see the glory of God?”

Happy Resurrection Sunday!!   May you see the Glory of God. 

What is it you need a resurrection in today?  Leave it in the comments.  We would love to pray for you. 

Feeling Unworthy in the Upper Room

“And he arose and came to his father.  But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.  And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet…for this my son was dead and is alive again, he was lost and is found.  And they began to be merry.”  Luke 15: 20-21

Lord Father, we pray for those who feel unworthy due to the sin of abortion to find healing, freedom and truth.  Lord, thank you that you never run from our need but instead, you run to us and embrace our need.  Lord, we pray for those with abortion-wounded hearts to rise and come to you and receive their robe of righteousness and ring of worthiness in the Son.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen. 

Above the library in the church was a quaint meeting room like an after-thought finishing of an attic-an upper room.   The ceiling angled to a point, stretching as if it begged to reach heaven.  It felt comfortable and safe.  Every Sunday, our Sunday School class would meet there.  An elder couple led the group of couples ranging in age from early 20's just married to mid-thirties with kids.  I was in the early 20's group and had recently given my life to Jesus.  Feelings of unworthiness haunted me in spite of the comfortable and safe upper room.  “What if they knew?” My thoughts tormented me.  

Then one day I couldn’t take anymore.  I don’t remember the question but my heart was pounding like if I didn’t answer it would burst out of my chest.  In between sobs, my words cascaded like a waterfall dammed up and then let loose.  Darkness clouded my vision, my sight blurry from tears and eyes partly shut.  It was as if part of me rationalized if I can’t see them, they won’t see me.  Maybe they won’t truly see me. 

All I could say is, “Jesus has saved me from so much.  I’m not the same person I once was.  I’m ashamed of who I was and I fear you wouldn’t like me if you knew what I have done.  I don’t feel worthy to be in this class or with all you wonderful people.  You all seem like you have known Jesus forever.   I’m afraid I’m not good enough to be here.” 

After exposing my heart and fears to this group of about 20 young married couples, I’m not sure what I expected.  Perhaps I was looking for a “Me too” or  “I understand.  I’ve been where you are and you are not alone.”  I’m not sure they knew how to respond to all that raw pent up emotion breaking loose.  Then the bell rang and I sat, slightly unsure of my next move.   Maybe I was alone.   Then one girl responded.  She was a new friend.  I didn’t really have Christian friends yet, but she was becoming a friend.  She responded— the only one.

She walked up to my chair.  It was a moment forever etched in my mind.  Instead of running from my need, she embraced it.  Her words were ones of invitation.  She wanted to know me.  She wasn’t afraid of my brokenness.  She saw me, truly saw me and decided I was worth knowing.  Isn't that the longing of every human heart--for someone to decide you are worth knowing? And we are still close friends today, nearly 19 years after that initial invitation in the upper room.

Feelings of unworthiness are common for men and women who have experienced abortion.  Feelings of being less-than cause those with abortion-wounded hearts to choose less-than. 

My friend knew something I didn’t know at that point in my life—Jesus didn’t see me as less-than. 

Jesus doesn’t see me as less-than.  Jesus sees those with abortion-wounded hearts as in need of a healer.  He doesn’t run from the need.  In contrary, He embraces the need.  He embraces you.  He invites you.  He isn’t afraid of your brokenness.  He truly sees you and decided a long time ago you are worth knowing.  You are not alone.  You are never alone and never have been alone.  Your healer delights in you and desires a close friendship with you.  Jesus is just waiting for you to respond to the invitation in the upper room.

If you have had an abortion and have struggled with feelings of unworthiness or feeling less-than, you can go to www.godeeperstill.org to find out how to register for a retreat.  This is your invitation from the One who responds to your every need.

Please subscribe at the top of the page to receive devotionals in your email to pray for the healing of those wounded from abortion.      

Shift in the Atmosphere

“Why do the nations rage, and the people plot a vain thing?  The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against His Anointed saying, ‘Let us break Their bonds in pieces and cast away their cords from us.’  He who sits in the heavens shall laugh; the Lord shall hold them in derision.  Then He shall speak to them in His wrath, and distress them in His deep displeasure.”  Psalms 2:1-6

Oh Lord, You see the vain plotting of those in the world who do not understand You.  Father, they are deceived and do not know what they do.  At one time, we may have even joined in their depraved chorus.  Lord, open the eyes of those cloaked in deception.  Father, may they see the truth to avoid Your judgement. May their words be turned from bringing death to speaking life. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I recently read an article in a popular teen magazine that brought tears.  Not tears of joy or even sadness, but tears of pain.  My heart ached for the one who wrote the article and for those who would join in applauding her exposé. 

In the article, the writer gave advice to friends of teens who are about to have an abortion or just had an abortion.  Her ideas for comfort included a variety of superficial gifts that boasted to aid the physical ailments after her “procedure.”  What this author disturbingly missed and what so many in the world fail to accept is that no amount of physical effort can comfort the pain of the heart ripped in pieces from this “surgical procedure.”  As women, we were called to bring forth life, not destroy it.  Everything about abortion goes against nature.  It goes against our natural instinct to protect and nurture the life inside our womb.  However, pro-abortion groups constantly insist there are no emotional, mental or spiritual ramifications for abortion—only a medical procedure. 

In fact these groups would have us believe that not only is it no big deal, it is also the new normal.  The depravity astounds and defies sanity.  I wrote a post on how one in three or four women in our churches have had an abortion.  My reason for this post was to bring awareness that there are 1 in 3 or 4 women in our churches who have abortion-wounded hearts and need healing.  About a month ago, I read an article from a pro-abortion group that also brought up this statistic but not for the purpose of bringing awareness of healing.  Rather the goal was to show that abortion is normal.  The very thought makes this heart cringe in pain.  To think of destroying the life of the unborn as normal is barbaric and should not be considered a viable viewpoint.   

However, there is hope.  In the past month, legislation in the house and acts by our new President have proven to be consistently for life.  There has been a shift in the atmosphere and where there is a shift, there is bound to be turbulence.  We can expect to see more pro-abortion groups and those who support them to come out speaking in support of abortion. It is important to pray for these people.  Pray for the Lord to open their eyes and hearts to His truth.  Pray they see the hurt caused by abortion --as an unborn life taken and the mother and father hearts devastated.   Pray for life to continue to win and for the hope of light overcoming the darkness to spread from this shining city on a hill to the vast domains of the earth. 

As later on in Psalm 2 it says, “Ask of Me, and I will give You the nations for Your inheritance, and the ends of the earth for Your possession.”  Amen. 

Why Do You Love Me So Much?

“That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”  Ephesians 3:16-19

Father, I pray for the Deeper Still team to have a greater revelation of Your love.  Lord, I pray that You would strengthen us through Your spirit in our inner man, that Christ will dwell in our hearts through faith and that we would be rooted deep and grounded in Your love, that we would know the love of Christ even beyond our understanding so we may be filled with the fullness of Your love to share with others.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The room was filled with sounds of praise as we worshiped together Saturday night at the Deeper Still Retreat.  The presence of the Lord was strong and I could feel His pleasure and happiness at His daughters and sons from separate ends of the earth (China and US) worshiping together exalting Him in awe of all He had done in the hearts of the participants and team that weekend.  

As I worshiped and tears poured from my eyes, hands lifted in total abandon, I became overwhelmed with His goodness.  My heart whispered, “Why Lord?  Why do you love me so much?”  I thought of the beating He endured for me as the Roman soldiers prepared Him for the cruel death He would suffer.  I thought about Him hanging, bear and exposed, with the pain of nails pounded into his bones and skin.  The more I thought of it, the more overwhelmed I became with His love.  Yes, I was feeling His love at that moment during praise and worship, but this love was always and constant. It is a love that existed before I was even born, even before the foundations of the world.  It always was and always will be.  It is more than my human heart can comprehend.  

As a child, we sing, “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”  Yes and amen, but also Jesus loves me this I know, more than just because the Bible tells me so.  He demonstrates His love over and over again.  He demonstrated it in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).  And that would have been more than enough.  But yet, He continually displays His love for us in the everyday.  It really is above and beyond anything I can ask, think or imagine.  I pray I would know His love more.  I pray I would be more aware of His love so that I, in turn, can be filled with His love to pour out to others.  

May we truly be rooted and grounded in love and filled with the fullness of love.  Perhaps that is the reason He loves us so much.    

Do You Get Tired of Going Deeper

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ."  Phillipian 1:6

Father, we thank You for the promise to complete the good work that You have begun in each of us individually and that You are completing the good work You began through Deeper Still.  We ask for Your will to be done. Lord, empty us of ourselves.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

The Christmas tree lights glimmered with the hope of the season.  Kid's smiles and chuckles of joy drenched the atmosphere like dew-covered trees in the dawn of day. Yet, even as I sat surrounded by celebration, my heart weighed heavy with what was missing rather than being immersed in the joy of the present.

My husband handed me a gift.  A touch of hope grabbed me as I imagined its contents.  Perhaps a necklace, a diamond bracelet, or a new sparkling watch? Eagerly, I tore open the package.  As the paper fell in torn confetti to the floor, my prize was revealed...books.  Two Bible study books.

My husband explained, "I thought we could do the books together, to work on ourselves."  Bless his heart. His motive was pure and it was a very thoughtful and sweet gift.  He knew how much I loved Bible studies and I was ALWAYS working on myself, so seemingly, this would have been the perfect gift...except.  Except, that Christmas morning, something inside of me snapped, and I said, "I'm so tired of working on myself!  Will I ever be done?!"  (My sweet and loving husband ended up taking the books back.)

That Christmas morning was about 7 years ago.

About one week ago,  I enthusiastically explained to a friend how the Lord had revealed some things to me and was continuing to take me deeper in healing. She asked me with thought and care,  "Do you ever get tired of going deeper? Don't you ever just want to be done?"

At that moment, I thought how there was a time not too many Christmas' ago when I was tired and did just want to be DONE.  However, as I responded, I joyfully was able to answer, "No, I actually love to go deeper now, and I have realized that there is always deeper and I won't ever be done until Jesus comes back or until I reach heaven. "  And, I meant every word.  I really do love going deeper with the Lord.

The difference?  I believe the difference is found in Phil 1:6.  "He who has began a good work in you will complete it."

Before, I was trying in my own efforts to fix myself. I use to work like it was up to me, and it was exhausting.  Now, I just let God be God and He is the One doing the work.  Yes, I have to cooperate, but I know it isn't all up to me.  And that my friends, is freeing and beautiful.

When Jesus is doing the work, it isn't toilsome, its treasure-some.  Going deeper is better than diamonds or any earthly present.  It is truly a priceless gift from our Husband, Jesus, with each layer unwrapped revealing more and more of His love.   It is not a thing to be avoided, but a gift of His never-ending love.

Rear Guard Prayers

“Now because of this King Hezekiah and the prophet Isaiah, the son of Amaz, prayed and cried out to heaven.  Then the Lord sent an angel who cut down every mighty man of valor, leader, and captain in the camp of the king of Assyria…Thus the Lord saved Hezekiah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem.”  2 Chronicles 32: 20-22

Father, we thank you that you fight on behalf of Deeper Still.  We thank you that you send your angelic armies out before us and cut down every enemy scheme and tactic.  We thank you that you protect Deeper Still, the Deeper Still Team and deliver your people. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Hezekiah was a king who honored the Lord by tearing down the high places and all alters and images of false gods. It says in 2 Chronicles 31 that he did what was good and right and true before the Lord his God.  In 2 Chronicles 32, it says, “After these deeds of faithfulness, Sennacherib king of Assyria came and entered Judah; he encamped against the fortified cities thinking to win them over to himself.”(emphasis added)

The enemy came to attack after Hezekiah was so faithful.  We have an enemy too who may try to attack after we have done what is good, right and true.  We need prayer warriors like King Hezekiah and Isaiah who will pray and cry out to heaven. 

And I love how when they cried out and prayed, the Lord fought for them.

They had prepared for battle.  In 2 Chronicles 32:3-7, it describes all the extensive ways they had prepared and fortified themselves to stand up under attack.  King Hezekiah encouraged his armies stating, “Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid nor dismayed before the king of Assyria, nor before the multitude that is with him; for there are more with us than with him.  With him is an arm of flesh; but with us is the Lord our God, to help us and fight our battles.”

The enemy “called out with a loud voice in Hebrew to the people of Jerusalem who were on the wall, to frighten them and trouble them.”   Our enemy also tries to call out in a loud voice in a language we understand to frighten or trouble us.  When our enemy calls, we need to cry.  Not cry tears, but cry out.  Our cries should always be louder and greater than the enemy calls. 

King Hezekiah and his people may have been frightened or troubled.  But, they were prepared and pressed on in prayer.

They prepared and pressed on in prayer.   In the end, they didn’t even have to lift a spear.  It says an angel of the Lord came and cut every single enemy down!  Hallelujah!

Yes, we have an enemy.  Yes, he is out to destroy us and make us doubt God will come on our behalf. He comes thinking he can overtake us.  But, greater is He who is in us than He who is in the world (1 John 4:4).  The numbers are in our favor. There are more with us.  The Lord our God is with us to help us and He fights our battles.  We just need to cry out, stand and watch Him be victorious!  

With and In

“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Father, God of peace, thank you for sanctifying us completely that we may be blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Thank you Lord that you not only call us to sanctification, but you said you are faithful to also do it.  I pray for the Deeper Still Team and participants to remain in and with You Lord Jesus.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen. 

There were years of crying.  Tears rooted in a well of immense mess fed by an underground stream of insecurity, shame, and unworthiness. Holding drenching tissues surrounded by a sea of Puffs crumpled on the floor beside the bed,  I wondered if I would ever feel ok.  I wondered if I would ever feel free. 

To sanctify in the original Greek is the word “hagiazo” in the verse above and it means:  to purify, free from guilt of sin or purify internally by renewing of the soul.

God promises that He is sanctifying you completely.  He is purifying.  He has freed us from the guilt of sin and we are purified internally by the renewing of the soul.

Renewing our soul or our mind comes by being in the Word of God and being with the Word of God.  Notice the two different prepositions.  In and with are not mutually exclusive.  One cannot replace the other and one is not more important than the other. 

Both are needed.  Both transform.  Both are a waterfall of life that drenches our souls, allowing its healing power to soak into our core.  This life giving and restoring waterfall will over flood the undercurrents rooted in a past of regret and heartache.  It is truly all I know that can cure a heart calloused or captured by sin. 

Reading is the being “in” the Word of God part.  His Word will reap lasting effects of freedom nothing on this earth can accomplish.  No amount of counseling, although it is helpful, can do what the Word of God can do.

Praise and worship and resting in Jesus are the being “with” the Word of God.

John  1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. “  John 1:14 then says, “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory”.

When we dwell with the Word, we behold His glory.

 Spiritual transformation takes place when we rest in His presence and spend time lingering in worship (both personal and corporate).  One of the reasons transformation occurs at the retreats is because we first soak in God’s presence then we wash the participants in the water of the Word.  The participation of engaging in worship helps to introduce them to the Holy Spirit in ways that are new and refreshing and it opens up new wells of intimacy.

He is the answer.  In Him is our hope.  He is sanctifying us completely.   Our part is to be in His Word and be with His Word.   Be With and In.

Resting in Hope

“Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest in hope…You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.” Acts 2:26, 28

Father, we ask for the hearts of the participants of Deeper Still to be made glad, for their tongues to rejoice and for them to rest in Your hope.  Father, we ask for You to show them the paths of life and fill them with the fullness of Your joy in Your presence.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

My eight year old daughter, Sarah, and I were walking together the other day.  We circled the track raised above the gym while her brothers played basketball below.  Just walking and talking.

As we talked, she shared how she was glad she was the only girl in the family.  She explained that if she had a sister, she’d have to share her daddy at Father/Daughter dances and date nights.  She loves her daddy.  And she likes having her daddy all to herself. 

Then, the conversation took a bit of a different turn when she changed direction and said, “BUT, if I had a sister, I would like to have a big sister already grown up. “

My heart toddled as her statement lingered in the air.  I wanted to tell her, but knew the timing wasn’t right.  What could I say?  All I could say to my sweet eight year old girl through a genuine smile was, “Yes, that would be nice.”

 

But, what my heart wanted to express was…

Sarah, you do have a sister already grown up.  Her name is Kori Danielle.  She would have been twenty years old now.  She is in heaven.  She never had a chance to live.  And I’m so sorry you don’t have that big sister here.  I wish you did.  But, someday you will get to meet her in heaven and I know you will be the best of friends. She loves you so much.

But, I couldn’t say that.  Not yet.  A time will come when I will tell her and my boys about their big sister.  I will tell them about my “choice” and apologize through tears.  But that day is not yet. 

And someday we will be reunited again in heaven and Kori will run to me with open arms.  But not yet. 

There was a time when it was too painful for me to think about my daughter in heaven.  There was a time when I completely blocked her from my memory or thoughts because I just couldn’t go there.  The Lord used Deeper Still to heal that broken area of my heart.  I can’t say I don’t ever get sad thinking about my daughter in heaven.  That wouldn’t be true.  There are times my heart does still grieve.  But, I couldn’t even think about her before and now I can.

Now, I am free to think of my beautiful 20 year old daughter in heaven.  I can think of her and smile.  Someday we too will walk and talk and I will share all about her sister and brothers with her.  Someday.

  

But for now, I can just picture her at Daddy/daughter dances in heaven dancing with her heavenly Father and be filled with joy knowing she is fully and completely loved.  She loves her Daddy and dancing with Him.  She loves her mommy as well. 

 

And that is why I can rest in hope and be glad.   

Remain

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; It must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” John 15:4

Blessed Father, I pray that the Deeper Still Ministry would abide and remain in you.  Lord, I pray that Deeper Still would stay connected to Your life giving vine, bearing much fruit for Your Kingdom. Amen.

Remain.

 

Remain: To stay in the same place or with the same person or group; to stay after others have gone (Merriam –Webster)

My friend, Lelia, shared on Facebook this week how she desired a permanent reminder to keep her eyes on Jesus.  Just this week, she had the word “Remain” tattooed on her wrist with John 15: 4-7 as her inspiration.   I asked if I could share part of her story.  With her permission, Lelia is post-abortive.

 

John 15:4-7 has been an area of struggle for my friend.  She loves Jesus with her whole heart and Jesus has brought beautiful redemption in her life. 

Below is what Lelia shared after having the word REMAIN engraved on her wrist:

“Standing in my kitchen looking at it, I didn't just see a tattoo, I saw how much time I've wasted trying to do life my way and I just lost it. The tears and praise came as I realized more than anything else on this earth I want God the most. I do. I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of the self-sabatoger in me. I want to remain in Jesus. “

Regardless of how you feel about tattoos, this isn’t about tattoos.  It is about men and women running after God with a whole and healthy heart.  It is about giving the Lord total access to every part of our lives, cleaning out the dead and allowing His new life to flow through every fiber of our being. 

It is about us dying to ourselves and abiding solely in His love.  It is about staying with the person of Jesus Christ, being one with Him and remaining in Him. 

Freedom only comes when we reach the end of ourselves and realize we are nothing.  Remaining is truly what leads to liberty.

Remain.