In Honor of Kori

“…and through Him (Jesus), He reconciled all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven.”

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the cross.  Thank you that you have reconciled all things, things on earth or in heaven.  Lord, I pray for the truth of life to flow and that those lost to abortion would be reconciled to their earthly mother and fathers and honored as your beloved children.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

This past weekend I was at a women’s conference. One of the speakers spoke about her daughter who had passed away at six weeks old.  My heart ached for her.  Afterward, I went up to the speaker and expressed how sorry I was for the loss of her daughter.  She joyfully said, “I love sharing about my daughter…it gives me the opportunity to talk about her.  I get to talk about my son playing soccer and how he is doing in school, but this is the only time I really get to talk about my daughter.”

There was something in the way she spoke of her daughter and honored her life that caught my attention.  A mother grieving her daughter, saying she missed her and loved her, stirred up in me a longing…a longing to talk about my daughter.

I have a daughter Sarah, who is beautiful and nine. And I talk about Sarah all the time, about her dancing, her sweet spirit and heart for God.  But today I want to tell you about my other daughter…the one I will never hold this side of heaven. The one I will never take to dance class or tie her hair up in the pony tail.  I will never rock her to sleep as I gently sing a goodnight song or take her shopping for a new dress for Easter.  My daughter…Kori Danielle.

A part of me even feels that perhaps I lost the right to talk about her.  But then a quiet whisper reassures me.  I am not the same person who ended her life.  Yes, I said it-- I ended her life.  My choice—what a lie.  But please understand, she is not a blob of tissue and it was not just a procedure or a choice…she is a person, a real person and I grieve her loss.  And I want to honor her.  I want to talk about her.  I want you to know she is real. 

  

According to Urban Dictionary, Kori means “Perfect. Perfection in every sense of the word thus more complicated than life itself.”  It also says, “Kori is the result of a complex mathematical equation that can’t be calculated by the human mind.”  I find that interesting to say the least!  Kori is indeed perfect and I don’t think my mind can quite fathom all of that.

 

But the meaning that I have heard before and I love is from a baby names site, www.thenamemeaning.com, and it means, “God’s peace.”  Oh how I love that! 

God has indeed given me much peace and it brings me peace to know Kori is with her Heavenly Father and is indeed perfect.

 

Danielle is her middle name and the Lord gave me her middle name at the Deeper Still Retreat I went to in April 2013.  When I first heard what Danielle meant, my heart sank.  Danielle means, “God is my judge.”  Ouch.  Really?  Lord, why would that be her middle name?  Then the Lord answered me, “Because you see, others cannot judge you, I am your judge and you are acquitted by the blood of Jesus.  Jesus has paid the penalty and I find no guilt in you.”  Again, perfect.  Kori Danielle.  What a perfect name for a perfect daughter. 

I believe her hair is dark with olive colored skin.  She tans really well and has gorgeous green-brown eyes.  Her heart is only pure, never knowing the pain or sin of this world.  And she loves me. 

There was a time when I didn’t feel worthy of her love.  But the Lord has told me, “All she has ever known is my love, how could she not love you.” 

In a world, where no one wants to hear about the baby lost due to choice, thank you for allowing me to honor her today.  Kori Danielle would have been born in 1994 and she would now be 22 years old.  Her birthday would have been around this time of year.  Thank you for allowing me to share a little about my daughter as a doting mom would.  I know you may not understand, but thank you for this space to share.

I honor you Kori and look forward to the day when we can meet face to face.-  Your loving mother, Sue