Why We Do What We Do

Dear Readers, thank you for your continued prayers and support of the Deeper Still Ministry. We have moved the blog site to www.deeperstilldevotions.wordpress.com

You can also access the blog through www.deeperstilldevotions.org

The devotionals will continue to be posted on this site for a couple of weeks to be sure you can find us on our new site.  We look forward to having you follow us on our new site! Also, please follow Deeper Still on Facebook and Instagram!  Thank you!  

“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”  Galations 6:9

Father, I pray that we as a nation would not grow weary in doing good.  I pray for those with a heart for life to be bold and encouraged to continue to stand and speak for truth.  Let us stand and rise up as a mighty army of truth and light to defeat death and darkness.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

A friend and Deeper Still Chapter Leader, Laurie Haynes, wrote about an experience she had recently on her Facebook page.  I asked her if I could share it today:

“I'm really struggling today. I was working at the PRC (Pregnancy Resource Center) this morning and found out that a sweet client that I met with 3 weeks ago decided to have an abortion 2 days ago. When I did her ultrasound 3 weeks ago, that little one was 8 weeks, had a strong heartbeat and was moving around. The pictures below show what a 12 week baby looks like - the same age her baby was when it was aborted on Wednesday. I am hurting so much for her and grieving this little one. Please pray for her.”

These pictures show a baby in the womb at 12 weeks.  As is scientifically known and as we can also physically see, this is not a blob of tissue nor a group of cells, this is a fully developing baby complete with fingers and toes.

 

I remember the first time I saw the ultrasound of my first born son, Joseph, at 12 weeks.  The reality of how developed and alive he was in the womb flooded my heart with a mixture of joy and sorrow.  Joy at seeing him jump and move in the womb and sorrow at the reality of the choice I made to end a life at 11 weeks of age nine years earlier.  There is nothing more sobering than seeing. 

How anyone could deny these are living human beings is beyond comprehension for me.  I don’t condemn this young girl she is referring to above, I once was her.  Instead, my heart is grieved for her and for her child. 

One of the missions of Deeper Still is to advance the cause for life.  We want to see those who have been wounded by abortion set free and healed.  Yes and amen.  Deeper Still is a post-abortion healing ministry and pro-life.  Post-abortion healing ministries are in the fight for life.  Our mission is simple and our objective is clear.  Our mission:  Healing and lasting freedom for those wounded by abortion.  Objective:  To rise up an army of women and men who are free to be a voice and stand for truth, to tell the world the truth about abortion, to dispel the lies of the enemy and defuse the declaration of darkness.   If women and men are not free to speak, silence by default becomes an ally to the enemy’s tactics to steal, kill and destroy. 

I pray those in the pro-life community would embrace and advance post-abortion healing ministry and see it as a potent weapon in the arsenal of justice and truth. 

If you are pro-life and have a heart for seeing abortion defeated in this nation, there is a worship and prayer opportunity this Saturday, August 26^th, in Maryville, TN at Foothills Church.  It is an all-day event, from 8am until 6pm.  You are welcome to just stay for a little while or all day if you’d like!  It is totally open to all who want to come pray.   There will also be live streaming of the event for those who live out of town but would like to stand with us in prayer for our nation and the world in seeing the captives set free and abortion end.  You can go to our Facebook page Deeper Still on Saturday to find the link to live streaming.  Will you please stand with us to pray to end abortion?  We need you.  

Worthy of Healing

Dear Readers, thank you for your continued prayers and support of the Deeper Still Ministry. We have moved the blog site to www.deeperstilldevotions.wordpress.com

You can also access the blog through www.deeperstilldevotions.org

The devotionals will continue to be posted on this site for a couple of weeks to be sure you can find us on our new site.  We look forward to having you follow us on our new site! Also, please follow Deeper Still on Facebook and Instagram!  Thank you!  

“Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.” Matthew 9:2b

Father, thank you that you forgive our sins.  Thank you that you are not a God who gives retribution for our sins.  Rather you come with mercy, grace and outstretched arms ready and willing to not only forgive, but also heal and set us on the path of an abundant life full of purpose.  Father, I pray for those with abortion wounded hearts to receive your forgiveness, healing, and then they would stand and walk in the fullness of life and purpose in Your Kingdom.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

In Matthew Chapter  9, we find a man who was paralyzed.  When Jesus walked by him, He surprisingly said to the man, “Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.”

Jesus knew the thoughts and desires of this man’s heart.  I have wondered before why Jesus didn’t first heal the man.  He was paralyzed.  Surely the man wanted to walk more than anything.  And I’ve heard sermons in the past that have stated that Jesus forgave the sins of the man to make a point to the Pharisees present.  Our God is a great multitasker, so proving a point to the Pharisees and religious leaders was probably an added benefit no doubt.  However, I believe more than anything, this man wanted to know his sins were forgiven.

Culturally, it was common in the Bible times for people to assume an illness or affliction was a consequence of a sin.  This man possibly had been carrying the burden that he must have sinned in a horrific way to be cursed with this paralyzing disease.  I can visualize this man lying on his bed day after day in agony, crying out, asking for forgiveness, tormented that he must not be worthy of forgiveness, that his sins were too great. 

Then Jesus.

Then Jesus walks by and says the words this man has been waiting perhaps years to hear—You are forgiven.  And then, Jesus said, “Arise, take up your bed, and go to your house.”

It is significant that Jesus first said His sins are forgiven.  It is possible this man needed to know His sins were forgiven in order for Him to receive the healing Jesus wanted to give him.  If Jesus would have just walked by and said, “Arise and walk,” but the man didn’t believe His sins were forgiven, his feelings of unworthiness could have hindered his healing.

We see this paradox play out regularly with those with abortion wounds.  Forgiveness and healing are not the same.  Many times men and women with abortion-wounded hearts will not feel worthy of healing because they do not truly believe they are forgiven.  Negative situations in life or fear of retribution hang overhead like a cloud in a Peanut cartoon.  Or a person with an abortion wound may self-sabotage any blessings due to not truly believing they deserve life more abundantly.

But Jesus walks by and says, “Be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you.”  But that’s not all.  Like a trusty infomercial, He says, “Wait, there’s more!”  Not only are your sins forgiven you, but also You can now walk!  He says, “Arise, take up your bed and go.”  

He has a good plan to for you.  He has a purpose for you to pursue. 

“God doesn’t just free you from something, but also to something.” –Karen Ellison

This kind of love is beyond compare and comprehension. His mercy and grace are unmeasurable.  He has a good plan for you.  Receive forgiveness, then arise, stand and walk in the fullness of all God has for you.  

When Jesus Shows Up

“You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast, and take oaths in his name.  He is your praise, and He is your God who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen.” Deuteronomy 10:20-21

Father, again we give You all praise, glory and honor due Your Name! We may never fully understand the vastness of Your holiness, power and authority.  We give you honor and acknowledge that we are just small vessels, and we are humbled that You would give us the opportunity to partner with you in advancing Your Kingdom and setting Your people free.  Your power and might are incomprehensible and we are in awe of Your majesty.  We praise You for all You are and all You do!  We love you!  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The Deeper Still Summer Retreat 2017 in Knoxville, Tennessee, will be remembered as one epic retreat.  It was off the charts amazing as the Lord showed up and showed off big time in changing the hearts and lives of those attending.

 

It is difficult to express in words the power and glory of the Lord that was experienced by the team members and the participants who attended that weekend.  One of our team members, Alaina Wingo, wrote of her experience: 

“I never was able to understand what it meant to fear the LORD until one day He gave me an image which helped me understand a bit more. I saw a picture of myself in a small boat in the middle of an ocean. The sea was placid with no land in sight. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a massive whale breached the water with his tail towering next to me. Though his tail alone was so much bigger than the boat, there was no damage to me or the boat.  I was filled with AWE and FEAR. To witness such an amazing sight was humbling and incredible and could have brought me to tears.  A feeling of terror approached me while marveling at the power and size of this great beast.

Our GOD out scales any whale, incomparably so. We cannot comprehend His greatness. My fear of the Lord is out of utter reverence for our POWERFUL GOD.  Just a glimpse and I am in awe. And that is how this retreat felt in some ways. There always seem to be problems before a retreat and often during. However, when Jesus shows up, all confusion falls away and fear dissipates to its appropriate place--.in the Lord alone.

Unprecedented things happened during the retreat. And yet I feel like we haven't seen anything. There's always more. I am truly humbled that God can take a group of imperfect people looking to serve and be healed and do such big things. We built the altar and He lit it on fire."

~Alaina Wingo, Deeper Still Team Member, Knoxville, TN

The Mission is Too Great

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”  Ephesians 4:1-3

Father, as Deeper Still grows, we ask for unity in the teams.  We ask for the leaders of the teams and the team members to understand the power of unity and understand the importance of fighting to keep the unity of the Spirit.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Unity doesn’t just happen.  If it did, Paul wouldn’t have had to write Ephesians 4:1-3.  When he says, “endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace“, there is an understanding that acquiring and maintaining unity must be intentional. 

How many churches have split over minute issues?  How many divisions have there been in ministry over mishaps?  The power of unity is to be sought for and fought for. 

Earlier this year, I had a misunderstanding with a friend who served with me in another ministry and offense entered.  It wasn’t my intention to offend, but offense does not care if it was invited, it will just come and try to crash any Kingdom party. 

Knowing I had offended my friend, I asked for her forgiveness.  She admitted she had been offended and forgave me easily.  The Lord had already begun speaking to her about the offense and revealed to her I did not intend harm.  Prayer had been the catalyst to all this misunderstanding being resolved and all was well.  We were able to easily move forward in serving together with unity.  It was a beautiful resolution and we both grew in the process. 

Later on, another friend we served with in this ministry asked me about the situation and how we were able to resolve it so quickly and move forward.  I answered her, “The mission is too great.  The mission is greater than any small differences or misunderstandings.  We cannot afford to be offended and lose unity when there is a mission as great as the Kingdom of God.”  There were ladies who needed to be loved on.  They needed to hear about freedom in Christ.  Disunity would have hindered the work of the Lord and that just wasn’t acceptable. 

The mission is too great. 

What if we applied this mantra to other areas of our lives?  Our marriages?  Relationships with our children? Relationships with others in our church family?  The power of unity is vital.  There is no limit to what the Lord will do with a team that is unified.  Friends, the mission is too great.  Let’s endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.  

When Holy Spirit Power is the Only Option

“If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.”  John 14:14

Father, we can’t thank you enough for your faithfulness!  Our hearts sing your praises all day long.  Your love never fails and great it your faithfulness.  Thank you for answering our every prayer with, “yes, you get it!”  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

The power went out.  There was no storm, no rain, and no wind.  We thought maybe a fuse was blown as the Deeper Still team bustled about preparing for the summer retreat the next day. Then a team member urgently informed us that a huge tree had just fallen a few feet from the driveway of where the retreat would be held.  This tree had taken down the power lines, which hung dangerously over the cul-de-sac blocking entrance to the driveway. 

A few of the team members went up to assess the damage and to determine if any recourse was needed.   After a brief assessment, only one determination could be made…the power must come back on.  The retreat was the next day.  It was 90 degrees outside.  There wasn’t time for a Plan B. The only option…the Holy Spirit. 

The electrical power had gone out, but the power of the Holy Spirit was very present and in abundance.  As a team, we decided to trust in His power even when we didn’t have natural power. 

In situations like this, there is always a choice.  Panic can easily set in and cause chaos.  It is difficult for panic and power to coexist.  If we choose to depend on the Holy Spirit, He will diffuse panic as we trust in His power. Thankfully that day, we chose Him. 

We gathered around in the warming living room and prayed and sang worship songs to our loving Father.  We lifted up our voices in praise and thanksgiving as we called on our God.  He is always faithful.  And He answered quickly. Within about 30 minutes of praying, there was a power company truck outside whacking away at the tree and restoring the power lines to their integrity.

The Lord went on to continue to amaze us all weekend with one glorious event to another.  One participant accepted Christ for the first time, two others rededicated their lives.  There were two baptisms, a first for Deeper Still!  The Lord amazed us and did above and beyond anything we could ask, think or imagine!  All ten ladies were set free and lives were transformed for His glory!  His power continually amazes me.  All glory goes to Him, the One with the only true power—We give You all praise, glory and honor Holy Spirit! 

Now I Have a Secret to Keep

“But if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.”  1 John 1:7

Father, I pray for those coming to a retreat or those who need a retreat to discover the truth of living in the light.  Lord, help them to come and step into the light of Your presence knowing you are faithful to cover them in your grace and mercy.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

I have now told all three of my children about my abortion.  At some point, I may write about those experiences.  But for now, I will say each of them received the news with showers of grace and love.  Last week is when I told the last of my children about my abortion.  While we were talking, he said, “Great (sarcastically), does this mean I now have a secret to keep?” 

Thankful he revealed this thought in his little heart, I immediately refuted his fear.

 “No, my son.  I don’t want you to have a secret to keep.  In fact, this isn’t a secret at all.  My mission is to tell my story so others can make a better choice than I made or find healing and hope if they had also had an abortion.  This isn’t a secret.   That being said, you probably don’t need to go tell all your friends right now about it, but if the Holy Spirit leads you to share it, I want you to know you have freedom to share.”

A sigh of relief came over him knowing he didn’t have a secret to keep.  In the words of Aunt Mae from the movie The Amazing Spiderman, “Secrets have a cost.  They are not for free.” 

Secrets are exhausting, draining and down-right depressing.  I would never want to burden my son with a secret. 

Our Heavenly Father doesn’t want us to be burdened with secrets either.  He wants us to come to Him and share every little and big thing with Him.  And He wants to free us so we can have true fellowship with others unhindered by the fear of our secrets being discovered.  Living in the light of truth is a beautiful way to live—knowing we are forgiven and loved and cleansed by the blood of Jesus from all sin.  

The Deep Wound of Rape

“He reveals deep and hidden things, he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.”  Dan 2:22

Father, I pray for those coming to the retreat this weekend and next weekend to allow you to reveal the deep and hidden things so that pain can turn into purpose and hurts can be surfaced for healing.  We know it is not your desire for us to remain numb to the pain lying dormant in the depths of our heart.  Bring those things that lie in darkness up to the surface where your light can shine and bring forth life.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

In a car ride three years ago, the Lord began to surface a need for healing that had been buried deep within my heart.  Karen Ellison (founder of Deeper Still), Carla Martin, Kay Smith (team members) and I were traveling to Illinois to serve on the team for the first Deeper Still of Central Illinois retreat.  It was exciting to be on a road trip back to my home state.  The retreat was taking place between where I grew up and where I had gone to college.  It was also only about 30 miles from where my abortion took place.  I was overwhelmed with the Lord’s goodness in allowing me to be a part of this retreat in Illinois.

We also had a plan to stop at the abortion clinic in Champaign, IL where I had the abortion to pray over the land.  It was a good plan, but God had an even better plan.

Part of my story involves a rape on my college campus.  I don’t believe I have ever written about this part of my story, but felt the Lord wanted me to share part of this today.  On the way to help serve at the first retreat in Illinois in 2014, Karen asked me how the Lord had healed me of that rape experience.  I was like a deer in headlights.  I had only recently begun to acknowledge the rape and had never really sought healing for it.  I didn’t know what to say.  Karen suggested we find the fraternity house where it happened and pray there.

While on the college campus, we found fraternity row.  All the houses looked so similar and it had been 21 years since it happened.  Not remembering which house it was, we stopped on a corner with four fraternity houses surrounding us to pray.  I bowed my head but no words would come.  Then from somewhere deep within, sobs surfaced and turned into wails as I stood bent over with violent pain flowing from the depths of my soul.  This pain had been bound up, packed away, not given any air to breathe.  Now, it was opening, this wound covered in scar tissue, never allowed to heal.  It was rising to the surface.  I thought the pain might be too much.  This pain was more than I thought I could bear.  My friends surrounded me praying, like a canopy, protecting me and shielding me as the Healer did His surgery. 

The next few times I shared this part of my story, pain and tears continued to come as the Healer continued to heal this area of my heart.   However, after sharing this part of my story a few times, it became easier and easier.  Now I don’t feel the intense pain I once felt and I’m able to talk about it. 

This is how the Lord heals us.  First He reveals an area of our hearts that needs healing.  Then, he gently removes the scar tissue so the wound is exposed to the air for healing.  He breathes life to the areas once dead and numb.  This may cause temporary pain.  But the pain is only temporary while He does the surgery.  So many people avoid the surgery in fear of the pain being surfaced.  I am thankful I didn’t avoid facing the pain of my past that day in Illinois.  If I would have said, “I don’t need to go there and pray, really, I’m ok”, I would have missed the healing the Lord had for me and that pain would still be lying dormant in my heart festering.  And I surely wouldn’t be writing this today—I would still be paralyzed and numb, unable to share this part of my story. 

Rape is a real hurt.  It is a thief that steals more than can be physically counted.  But the Lord wants to restore what was stolen and mend the areas that are broken.  I no longer consider myself a victim, but rather victorious.  If this is part of your story as well, my heart hurts for you.  I pray that you too will allow the Lord access into those wounded areas so He can do the surgery required for healing.  Reach out to friends you trust who can stand around you during the healing process, praying for you.  If needed, see a counselor.  This is only my story of healing, but the Lord heals different people in different ways. I don’t know the process He will use, but I do know He is the good Healer and the Great Physician and He wants to heal you. 

加油 Add Oil

“’Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.’ Then he said to her ‘Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors—empty vessels, do not gather just a few.  And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels and set aside the full ones.’” 2 Kings 4:2b-4

Father, thank you for your Holy Spirit and anointing.  Lord, we recognize our need for you.  Father, we pray for our Chinese sisters who are having their first retreat next weekend.  Lord, will you add your oil (anointing) and pour out Your Spirit on them and those attending. Do above and beyond anything they could ask, think or imagine.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

One of my Chinese friends would say the phrase “Add Oil” often while ministering together.   This phrase intrigued me and I loved it!  After looking it up, I found the phrase was a common Chinese expression of encouragement.  The phrase in English would read, “jiā yóu”. 

After being with my friend Joy from China who said this, I was writing and frankly felt a bit rusty.  I was texting a friend asking her to pray since I “felt rusty” and without thinking said, “I think I need to add some oil,”  referring to feeling rusty.  Then I laughed out loud at what I just typed.  Add oil.  Yes!  I need to add oil! 

In ministry, we need the Holy Spirit.  Without His oil, we will be like a rusty hinge making only noise. 

We have to add His oil to everything we do.  We need His oil.  And we need to be full vessels in order to be able to pour out the oil inside of us to others. 

The lady in the passage mentioned above in 2 Kings 4 had nothing but a jar of oil.  She told the man of God, “I have nothing… but a jar of oil.” 

 

You may feel today like you have nothing.  You may feel ill-equipped and like you have nothing to offer.  But if you have the Holy Spirit inside of you as a believer, you have oil.  And the Lord wants you to use the oil you have to pour out into the vessels around you—and not just a few.  Add oil to others.  Encourage others.  You never have nothing to offer.  And if you need more oil yourself, ask the Lord and He will pour out His Spirit and fill you with more so that you can pour out into other vessels. It is the Lord’s desire to “add oil” to all His beloved.

Dead Inside

“Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgement, but has passed from death into life.”  John 5:24

Father, there are two retreats coming up in the next month. Lord, we ask for you to breathe life into all that has been dead in the lives of those coming to these retreats.  We ask for all that was dead to come to life.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

While on a visit to China with Deeper Still, I saw a woman wearing a yellow hoodie with two words written on the back in bold letters.  The words were, “Dead Inside.”  It immediately caught my attention and broke my heart.  What does that mean, “Dead Inside?” Why would somewhere wear something with such a label? 

Most of us would not wear a label declaring that we are dead inside.  But I wonder how many all around us, every day, are actually “dead inside.”  They may not wear the hoodie, but underneath their designer clothes and expensive makeup are hearts and bones crying for life. 

I have a friend who described her abortion-wound as feeling like she was one “walking dead.”  I know this is popular TV show (I have to admit, I haven’t seen it.), but no matter if you like the TV show or not, we all know that “walking dead” is no way to live.

 

The Holy Spirit wants us to experience new life.  The Holy Spirit is in the business of restoration and renewing. 

In Ezekiel 37: 11-14, we can read of the Lord’s restoration power:

“Our bones are dry, our hope is lost, and we ourselves are cut off!... Behold, O my people, I will open your graves and cause you to come up from your graves and bring you into the land of Israel.  Then you shall know that I am the Lord, when I have opened your graves, O My people, and brought you up from your graves.  I will put My Spirit in you, and you shall live, and I will place you in your own land.  Then you shall know that I, the Lord, have spoken it and performed it.” 

This is a promise from the Lord not only for the Israelites, but for all of God’s people.  He doesn’t want His people being like the walking dead.  He has come to bring us life and life more abundantly. 

If you are one feeling dry, without hope, and dead inside, today is a new day.  I have good news for you!  

Jesus wants to breathe His Spirit on you and bring you new life.  He wants to restore all that was taken and renew a right spirit within you—one that is life giving and full of beauty.  

He doesn’t want us walking around with the label “Dead Inside.”  Take off your hoodie and put on the garment of His salvation, His robe of righteousness that declares, “I am a new creation.  I am alive in Christ!”  

I Can't Forgive Myself

“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”  Romans 8:1-2

Father, we give you thanks that because of the paid blood of Jesus Christ, we can live free.  We thank you that not only do you forgive us of all our sins but that because of Jesus we are not only able to forgive others but also ourselves.  There is no condemnation to those who are in you.  We give you praise and glory in Jesus’ Name.  Amen. 

The other night my ten-year-old daughter and I were having a devotional time as we do before bed each night.  The devotional was on forgiveness.  She said something I didn’t expect her to say.  She confessed that she believes God forgives her of her sin but that sometimes she has a hard time forgiving herself.  She confided that even after asking God to forgive her, she often will beat herself up over and over again after she has made a mistake and sinned.

 

I have to admit, I have been guilty of that as well at times.  However, I do not believe it pleases the Lord in any way when we refuse to forgive ourselves of the sins Jesus suffered and died on the cross to forgive and cleanse.  In fact, it grieves Him. 

Another Deeper Still Team member, Carla Martin, said the Lord revealed to her one day that she was often living like His Word said, “There is now ‘not nearly so much’ condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  However, the Lord pointed out to Carla that is not what He said.  He said there is “no” condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  No.  Not any. None.

The Lord has clearly said that if we do not forgive others, He cannot forgive us. (Matt 6:15, Matt 6:14)  What about ourselves?  Does it apply to us?  

Jesus paid a dear price.  Is it not selfish of us and even prideful to not receive the gift that cost Him His life?  He willingly and lovingly paid it.  It is a gift for us to receive.  This is how I explained this to my daughter. 

 

What if I had a gift I wanted to give her.  This gift had cost me greatly and I had gone to much trouble to get it for her, because I loved her.   I was very excited about her having this gift.  My love for her is the reason I put forth all the effort to purchase this gift for her.   But what if when I went to give it to her, she expressed she didn’t deserve such a gift and refused to take it? Or just took part of it, but not the whole gift.  How would that make me feel?  Would I be happy she didn’t feel she deserved such a gift or sad that my daughter refused to accept the gift I desperately wanted to give her?

I hear often of women who have had abortions and the men who father those children saying that they believe God has forgiven them but they cannot forgive themselves.   These women and men do not feel worthy of forgiveness.  They do not feel they deserve the gift the Lord wants to give them.  I understand.  I use to feel that way and sometimes I know I don’t receive forgiveness as quickly as the Lord would like me to receive it. 

If you are someone who has had an abortion or has trouble forgiving yourself for other sins, this is not to condemn you.  Lord have mercy.  Not in anyway.  That would be the exact opposite of the reason for this post.  What I do hope is that you will give yourself permission to forgive yourself.  And if you are not sure how to do that, to ask the Lord to help you forgive yourself.  He wants you to receive ALL He has for you.  He wants you to receive the full gift He has for you!  He is beyond excited to give it to you!  For those of you who struggle with this, I would love to pray for you personally.  I will post a prayer below but if you leave a comment, I will also pray for you specifically in a reply. 

God loves you so much and it is His desire for all of us to live in the fullness of Him and without any condemnation, completely free of guilt or shame.  You are forgiven.  You are His. 

Father, I pray for those reading today who have had a hard time forgiving themselves.  They believe You have forgiven them, but do not feel that they can forgive themselves.  Father, I pray they would receive the fullness of the gift you have for them today.  Help them live fully free in You.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Please Talk About This

“Mercy, peace and love be multiplied to you.”  Jude 1:2

Father in Heaven, Lord, we ask for You to multiply the mercy, peace and love of Deeper Still.  We ask for you to expand Deeper Still.  We ask for You to multiply healing of those wounded from abortion to across the nation and the world.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Sobs interrupted by gasps of air filled the car. 

We had just left a fundraising event for a local crisis pregnancy center.  The guest speaker was Pam Tebow.  The crowd listened intently as she shared her powerful testimony.  The doctors had encouraged her to abort her son due to health reasons.  She chose life.  As a result, Tim Tebow was born.  Tim Tebow is the famous football player once known for writing scripture under his eyes and his bold kneel for Christ. 

I left the event broken and desperate.  Sobbing all the way home in the car, I thought about the girl I had aborted that never had a chance to breathe her first breath of air.  That night I wondered the “what ifs” and the “what ifs” broke me. 

God had been leading me on a journey of healing my abortion wounded heart for the past 20 years and I have to admit, up until that night I thought I was fine.  I didn’t see the need to go any deeper.  I thought, “I’m good right where I am.”

However, that night my heart whispered more.  God spoke to me during the event and said, “It is time.  It is time to go deeper.”

Three weeks after that event, He led me to the Deeper Still ministry through a friend and I attended the Deeper Still Ministry training two months later.  God led me deeper and drastically changed my life.

A friend recently told me she was hesitant to share her abortion story at her Bible study group because she was concerned there were women there who were post-abortive and that it may cause them pain to hear the topic of abortion.  Our churches remain silent on the issue of abortion for many reasons, but I believe this is also one of the reasons pastors tend to shrink back from this topic.

Can I just say something about this reason for not talking about abortion?  We need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit when sharing about any topic, but perhaps hushing is hindering the Holy Spirit from doing a much needed work in people who need to hear the hard stuff.  God uses the hard to stir up in us a discontentment for the status quo and open our eyes to our need for Him to heal.  It is easy to ignore the pain when it has been numbed and dormant.

For true healing to occur, a person has to realize their need for a Doctor.  The pain surfacing awakens our need.  Then as Christine Caine has said, "We must embrace the pain of recovery."

In any surgery, there is pain involved.  We can ignore the issues and pretend they aren't there and deceive ourselves into believing they will just go away or we can let the Surgeon do His surgery and embrace the pain of recovery.  After the surgery and recovery are over, we can be healthy and whole!  But, we have to know we need surgery and be willing to undergo the hard in order to be healed.

When churches, pastors and leaders decide to not talk about abortion because it might "upset someone" or because "It is a sensative issue", they are denying that there is an infection in the body of Christ.  If Pam Tebow wouldn't have talked about abortion that night, I wouldn't have seen my need for deeper healing.  It is only when we are faced with our pain, that we realize how much we need the Surgeon.

The pain of recovery is temporal.  The pain of denial is infinite.

If you are a church pastor or leader, please talk about this issue.  Please let your people know there is healing and freedom.  In doing so, you are multiplying the healing of His wounded.  God is a God of mercy, peace and love.

God is multiplying His mercy, peace and love.  Thank you for joining us in prayer as He multiplies His Kingdom.

Hold On

“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us. “  Ephesians 3:20

Dear Heavenly Father, we ask for You to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think in the ministry of Deeper Still.  We ask for you to provide above all we can ask or think.  We ask for You to pour out Your Spirit in ways above what we could ask or think.  We ask for You to reveal Yourself in ways that are beyond what we could ask or think.  To You  be all the glory and honor!  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

On Sunday morning of the last retreat, we sat overlooking the mountains of East Tennessee.  A fifteen foot cross draped with red, white, and purple billows stood in the forefront, shadowing the awe-striking view.  A team member was passing out communion to the Deeper Still retreat participants.

   

 I could only see the back of him, the male participant who had come from Indiana.  This participant came as a result of a series of events that had taken place at the Illinois retreat,  where a man had received Christ (at an all female retreat—long story!) Now, this man’s friend was at the retreat in Tennessee and he too had received Christ during the weekend.

The team member passing out communion came to this man from Indiana and asked, “Is this your first communion?”  I saw the man nod , “yes”. 

Immediately, tears.  Tears turned into sobs as I reflected on how God went after the “one” from Indiana and brought him to Tennessee to hear the gospel and experience salvation in Christ Jesus.  All of it starting from a man going to the Illinois retreat, who wasn’t intended to be there, hearing the gospel and also coming into a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.  AMAZING!

    

The man from Indiana came to the retreat despondent and hopeless.  He left filled with hope and with a renewed life within. 

All of this was just too much for me.  Jesus had overwhelmed me and all the Deeper Still team members once again.  As I sat sobbing, I told the Lord over and over again that He was just too much.  There is just no end to His faithfulness and life transforming power!  And to think He let us even have a slight part in it all—again amazing.

The Lord answered me as I poured out my praise…He said with a smile( I could tell He was smiling), 

“Hold on, you haven’t seen anything yet!”

Our God amazes me.  I don’t know all He has in store for Deeper Still or for the ones He loves, but I do know one thing…It will be exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think!   

He Quiets the Waters

"He made the storm to be still and the waves of the sea were hushed.  They were glad the waters were quiet, and He brought them to their desired haven."  Psalm 107:29-30

Lord Jesus, thank you for leading us across the water safely.  Thank you for stilling the waters and quieting all fears.  In Jesus name, Amen.

When my daughter was six, we went to a water park in Florida.  She could swim, but was not a great swimmer yet.  There was a water course in which to cross one had to hold onto rope overhead while walking across floating plastic icebergs beneath.  The icebergs moved up and down with the waves of the water.  Although the waves were minimal, in her six-year-old mind, I'm sure they towered as hurricanes.   In Matthew Chapter 8 there is a story of Jesus' disciples being on a boat with Jesus. During this excursion, mighty waves arose on the sea.  But Jesus was sleeping...

Can you imagine the scene?  Waves crashing onto the boat.  Disciples panicked stricken with fear of imminent death.  Racing back and forth on the boat, managing the sails, holding onto the helm.

The waves and wind of life can overcome us.  The storm inside our souls can sink us if we hold onto the panic and fears.

The disciples were human.  Like us, they didn't run to Jesus immediately when the storm began to come.  Notice, Jesus wasn't panicked.  He wasn't afraid.  He was resting, asleep.

When the storms and trials come, or when we feel fearful, I pray our first response would be to run to the One who can calm every storm and still every raging sea seemingly against us.  If God is for us, who then can be against us (Romans 8:31).

We can be our own worst enemy. Sometimes the one holding us back from reaching the other side is ourselves. My daughter made it across the waters that day as she reached up to the ropes and held on.  Her dependence on the strength of the ropes and the reassuring voice of her mother that she was going to make it to the other side gave her the courage to press onward to the other side.

Our Lord is right there.  He is our strength we hold onto.  And it is His voice, the voice of the Holy Spirit gently encouraging us forward and cheering us on that we will make it to the other side if only we don't give into fear and let go.  Trust in Him.  Depend on Him to still the waters.  You can make it to the other side.  You can make it to the desired haven.

Protecting Your Healing

 “Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Phillipians 1:6

Father God, we praise you for your goodness. Your love that covers us is as no other.  We ask that you would continue the work that you have done in us. Reveal to us things that are hidden in the darkness of our hearts. Massage our hearts and make them tender toward the things that are of you. Ignite a fire in our spirit that will bring forth the passion that you set in us. May you be glorified in all that we do. We again praise you, Jesus. Amen.

Today’s post is written by Tracey Enloe, a Deeper Still Atlanta Team Member.  Deeper Still Atlanta just had their first retreat this month.  We are hearing many praises about all the Lord did there!  Thank you Tracey for sharing with us today.

After leaving a weekend of seeking God and giving Him areas of my heart that were still in darkness, I felt free. The chains, that had bound me over time, fell off. Before coming that weekend I had been intentional in seeking healing in all areas of my life, not just abortion. Over time, the enemy caught a snag in my life and rebound me again. Healing is a journey--one that must be continuously sought by going forward in Christ.

As life goes forward, our enemy will look for areas in our life to re-bind us. It is paramount that we hold the line of healing and not give back ground to the enemy.  The chains may look the same, but not always. He wants to keep us bound, and he doesn't care how as long as we are rendered ineffective.  The Lord has given us all power and authority in the name of Jesus and we are not victims that must just surrender to the lies the enemy plants as he attempts to draw us back into bondage.  It is important that we learn to recognize the signs the enemy is trying to re-bind us and hold the line of freedom.

Negative thoughts; feelings of helplessness, despair, and discouragement; attacks of depression, anxiety or a feeling of heaviness; or insomnia are all symptomatic that the enemy is moving to regain ground in our lives.

When we learn to recognize when the enemy is trying to come in to steal, kill, and destroy the healing God has given to us, are better able to stand guard and resist him.  And when we resist him, he will flee.  The Lord has made provision in His word to protect the healing we have received as we hold onto the promises we have in Jesus.  The Holy Spirit will shed light on the areas of our lives that need attention. Our relationship with the Lord will be our safeguard as we put on the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-13).

We must not hide in the lie that our healing journey is over. For when we have resolved ourselves to that thought, we reject more healing, and more freedom in Christ.

It is in the seeking that we truly finding healing. Do not be discouraged by your struggles; count them as joy. Because God will always show up!_~Tracey Enloe

When the Rooster Crows

“Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed.  And the Lord turned and looked at Peter.  Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He has said to him, ‘Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.  So Peter went out and wept bitterly.” Luke 22:60b-62

Father, thank you that you are faithful even when we falter.  Thank you for your “wake up” calls as you look to us with compassion in your eyes and we realize how far we have fallen.  Thank you that even our deepest failures and regrets don’t disqualify us from ministry, but rather usher in an awareness of our humanity and dependence on you.  We are desperate for you. We need you.  Let your rooster crow in the Heavenlies and wake your people to your calling.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

In the Chinese culture, this year is the “Year of the Rooster.”  For those of you who have been following us, you know we have a love for China and the Lord has been opening doors for China as well.  When I heard it was the “Year of the Rooster”, I decided to ask the Lord about the Rooster and if it signified anything.  Here is what I felt I heard in my spirit:

A rooster signals a wake-up call.  It is symbolic of a new day, a new morning, a sunrise (Sonrise) and with it light expanding across the horizons.  This year is a year of waking up, a new day, new beginnings, new hope. 

The Lord is calling forth His people--those who have been asleep to awake. 

When Peter denied the Lord three times, it was a rooster who "woke" him up to the truth. 

I immediately thought this was a word for China and still believe it is a word for China.  However, I also believe it is a word for all of us. 

Perhaps we don’t deny the Lord verbally, but in our actions or thinking--compromising what is true.  

We go from being on fire for the Lord willing to cut someone’s ear off to being wishy-washy in our convictions and justifying actions.   Then…a rooster crows.  The Holy Spirit is creative in getting our attention. 

This isn’t the post I thought I’d write today about the rooster.  I have many fun stories about roosters.  After the Lord gave me the word about the rooster being a wake-up call, He began showing off by showing me roosters nearly everywhere I went—for real.

This post could have been about how the Lord gives confirmation after confirmations when He is inclined to be sure you know you’ve heard from Him—this is true. 

Or about the waking up of a generation or culture to the reality of His truth and the hope of a new day.  I do believe the Lord is saying that as well.  Wake up.  It is a new day.  There is new hope! 

But this post is about our humanity and the Lord’s eagerness to forgive.  Our failures don’t disqualify us.  If you had an abortion, it doesn’t disqualify you.  If you compromised today and denied your Lord by a wrong choice that seems to pale in comparison to abortion (of course sin is sin in God’s eyes, only we quantify it)—there is forgiveness, hope and a new day. 

If your love has grown cold or life has beaten your faith to a pulp causing the sin of unbelief to fester and choke out your joy and passion, today may be a day to hear the rooster. 

Hear the rooster say it’s a new day, the sun (Son) is rising on the horizon.  Sorrow may have lasted for a night and that night season seemed long, but it is a new morning with the Light of the world shining bright crowing in a new hope.  This year is a year of waking up, a new day, new beginnings, new hope. 

The Lord is calling forth His people--those who have been asleep to awake.  It is time to awake to the truth.  It is time to hear the rooster.

He Redeems Even the Day

“He provided redemption for His people; He ordained His covenant forever—holy and awesome is His name.”  Psalm 111:9

Father, thank you that when You provided redemption, Jesus did not just pay in part, but in whole.  Thank you for redeeming even the day and providing hope for those hurting from the day of their abortion.  We ask for You to redeem the day and change what was full of death into a day of life.  We ask for all things to be made new—even the day.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

A friend recently told me of someone she knows who every year on the anniversary day of her abortion is stricken with sadness, grief and unbearable sorrow over her choice.  This friend has the date in her calendar as a reminder to call this beloved girl to provide a comforting voice. 

This is all too real and common.  We all have birthdays we celebrate.  The lack of a birthdate for one created to live is unnatural and it leaves an aching hole in the heart of those living with abortion-wounds. The anniversary date of the day chosen to end the life of their child—it is almost too much to bear.

But Jesus.  

The blood of Jesus is not limited to redeeming one’s sins or health.  The blood of Jesus seeps into every pore and every aching crevice, filling and completing the healing until all is restored—even the day. 

Today, Emily Donels graciously shares her story of how the Lord redeemed the day for her.  Thank you Emily for sharing the Lord’s redemption power in your life.

April 27^th used to be a day I dreaded.  I was so gripped in knots the entire month that I didn’t feel I could breath again until May. 

In the earlier years of my healing journey with my abortion-wounded heart, I would try to do something that I felt honored the daughter I aborted.  From planting flowers in my flowerbed on that day, to placing a plaque on the wall of the National Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga, TN, to just driving down to the memorial so I would have a safe place I felt like I could mourn.

It wasn’t until after my own Deeper Still retreat that I felt the Lord truly redeem April 28^th for me.  I finally believed my Heavenly Father had reconciled my relationship with my daughter, Hannah.  That day went from me feeling I needed to atone that day to just being in sweet remembrance of my daughter that day.  Twenty years to that exact day, I was serving on the Deeper Still Spring Retreat team and I was assigned to lead the sharing time during the memorial service.  I opened up by sharing that I couldn’t imagine any better way to honor my precious Hannah than by being there with each of them (the participants) and telling them how proud I was to be Hannah’s mom and that I longed for the day to meet her face to face.

The following year, the Lord put it on my heart to return to the abortion clinic for the first time in 21 years to the date.  I was joined there by my sisters and brothers in Christ to pray a prayer of repentance to cleanse and heal the land.  That day I left a bundle of flowers representing life in honor of Hannah’s life.  God not only redeemed me, He redeemed the day. – Emily Donels

Emily is a team member on the Deeper Still team and served at the Deeper Still retreat last weekend, with part of the weekend on her anniversary date again.  What a glorious Lord we serve!  May all those who came last weekend, experience full and complete freedom.  May they experience more and more freedom and the fullness of redemption in Him—even the day. 

Rooted in Righeousness

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."  Isaiah 61:3

Father, may all who attend the Deeper Still retreat receive this truth.  May Your healing rain soak into the soil of their hearts and they would hear You call them oaks of righteousness, a glorious display of Your splendor. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. 

Seventeen years ago, toward the beginning of my healing journey, I saw Isaiah 61:3 for the first time.

"They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."  Isaiah 61:3

My heart sank.  How I longed to be a display of His splendor. I was in a healing Bible study for women who have had an abortion. With my head down and heart hopeful, I shared my desire to be a display of His splendor. 

“Oh, how I want this to be true. I so want to be a display of His splendor.” 

The Bible study leader looked me straight in the eyes and with a voice full of grace and gentleness, declared, “You already are.” 

Even the thought brings tears now.  Is there any goal higher?  Is there any achievement that could out pass this mark?  Yet, it is reached not by striving or climbing or pursuit.  This goal is reached by grace and grace alone.  Our God has declared in His all powerful Word, You already are a display of My splendor.

Righteousness is not something we obtain or earn.  Righteous is something we are by the paid price of the blood of Jesus Christ. 

An oak tree is a strong tree planted and rooted securely in soil.  The oak is a common symbol of strength and endurance. Oaks are not easily blown down.  They stand tall and firm in the ground in which they are planted. 

As oaks of righteousness, we are planted securely in God’s love and the soil of His inheritance.  Our righteous standing is unmovable by the winds of worry or woeful sin.  Our righteousness is rooted firmly in the Lord’s never ending grace.

May all the participants coming to the retreat this coming weekend receive this truth.  May they hear the invitation and calling.  May they know they are called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.